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Classic Letter Writing.

Have you ever been driven to writing a letter when you’ve received bad customer service? Well Graeme McLeish took letter writing to a new level as you’ll see below!

Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service,

Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.

As I’m writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG which rings throughout the entire building.This game is now in it’s third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.

The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it’s only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on it’s side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I’ve just finished decorating the kitchen.

What I suggest is this. After replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around, then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.

I trust that when I take a claw-hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you’ll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.

I remain sir, your obedient servant

Graeme McLeish

Mr. McLeish was surprised to receive a rapid response:

Mr McLeish

I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youths playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police. As the Community Beat Officer for your street, I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you. Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.

Regards
C 387
ommunity Beat Officer

And Graeme replied as follows:

Dear PC 387

First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Leith Police Station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.

Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has it’s own community beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It is surely only a matter of time before you are head-hunted by MI5.

Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these teens that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere? The pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DK’s are both within spitting distance, as is the bottom of the Leith Dock.

Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on 557 0890. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I’ll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar.

Regards
Graeme McLeish

May Specials.

While you’re here, why not check out our May website specials? To get the offers you need to mention the website special at the time of the order, and as mentioned last month, it’s not our job to tell you. You have to claim the discount, although how hard is it to open a web page and click on specials? Many clients claimed their offers in April, but a lot missed out, so do yourself a favour and be sure to head to the website BEFORE ordering. Why not follow us on Facebook and you’ll get a little reminder at the start of each month!

Until next month, if we can help with anything please don’t hesitate to contact us.

Regards

Brett and Brad

The Next Generation Of Business Cards.

QR codes have been on business cards for a while now and many businesses are discovering the power of this weird funny square that looks a bit like a bar code, like the one below that links to our Facebook page. Scan it with your smart phone and see what happens. Smart phones have really changed the way we market ourselves, but are you ready for the next generation of business cards which will change the way business cards are used forever?

Business cards may have been around for hundreds of years, but the new NFC Microchip represents the biggest and most radical shake-up to the enduring format for at least four centuries. NFC stands for Near Field Communication which will allow your clients to unlock a whole range of multi-media applications by simply ‘touching’ the card with their smart phone, via a tiny micro-chip impregnated into every card.

For example, you could use it to direct recipients to your business website, Facebook page or exclusive online content. Perhaps you’d rather set up the card that loads an app, plays music or video content, or brings up a handy map on the recipient’s smart phone screen which shows the location of your business. With just one touch of the card, your potential new clients and business associates could transfer all your crucial details directly into the contacts lists of their smart phone. For instant communication, you could also configure the card so that one tiny tap will set up a text message or phone call directly to your business. In fact, your custom-designed NFC card will perform practically any function that you ask it to!

The real beauty of the NFC business card is that you have the option to quickly change the function of each card as often as you like, so you can regularly update the secret hidden content, or even have a collection of cards with completely different features! Exactly how you squeeze the most potential from your new NFC business cards is entirely up to you. The possibilities are endless, and you are in complete control of that amazing little microchip. Your clients don’t even need an App to use it.

We are currently investigating the possibility of offering these cards to our clients and will certainly be getting cards made up for ourselves as soon as possible to test the concept and its possibilities.

April Specials.

While you’re here, why not check out our new website specials? It’s April so you’ll certainly feel like the fool if you order a job, and find out later you could have received a discount. You see, to get the offers you need to mention the website special at the time of the order, and it’s not our job to tell you. Now that might seem a bit mean, but we’re not going to make it too easy for you. It’s your job to claim it, although how hard is it to open a web page and click on specials? Many clients claimed their offers in March, but many more also missed out, so do yourself a favour and be sure to head to the website BEFORE ordering. Of course if you follow us on Facebook you would get a little reminder at the start of each month!

Until next month, if we can help with anything please don’t hesitate to contact us.

Regards

Brett and Brad

Footy Season

Well it’s almost that time of year again! Footy season is nearly here. I’ll be sitting with 11 of my family members at Suncorp Stadium on Friday 8th March when the Brisbane Broncos take on Manly to kick off the season. It’s become a bit of a tradition when this game is on each year, with one of my brothers being the only Manly supporter amongst us. This makes it rather hard for him to cheer for his team when he’s outnumbered so heavily, but last year Manly won the game in the last minute and boy did he rub it in. It was painful. If the same thing happens to the Broncos this time, I’ll be convinced I’m cursing them and will watch it on TV in future.

The Power of Positive Thinking.

Anyone who really knows me will tell you that by nature I’m a positive person. I just can’t see the point in worrying constantly about things I have no control over. I choose to think happy thoughts as much as possible, and rather than dwell on a problem, I search for a solution.

I’ve read a few good books on the subject so have listed below three of my favourite quotes.

Positive quote number 1:“If you think you can, or you think you can’t, either way you’re right. It’s the thinking that makes it so” by Kevin Trudeau

Positive quote number 2: “The thinking that guides your intelligence is much more important than how much intelligence you may have”. This quote by David J. Scwartz really rings true for me. I know people in business who have degrees and diplomas but lack the self belief to achieve their goals. Alternatively, I know people who left school at grade 10 and now operate very successful businesses. It really is your attitude that matters, not your intelligence.

Positive quote number 3: “Today, this moment, right now is the only moment we have any control over. If we can’t choose to think happy thoughts in this present moment, how can we create future moments that are abundant and fun?” by Louise Hay who in my view is the undisputed queen of positive thinking. Louise has used the power of positive thinking to change all aspects of her life and dedicates her life to helping others do the same.

Invoice Books.

Did you know that Simply Print is one of only two Noosa printers who print invoice and order books in house? This means a faster and more economical job for you. We don’t restrict you to pre-set templates, which means we can offer you a completely personalised product, taylor made to your needs. Call us for a quote on your invoice or order book, and keep a look out for occasional invoice book specials on the website and Facebook.

Until next month, if we can help with anything please don’t hesitate to contact us.

Regards

Brett and Brad

Full Steam Ahead in 2013.

It’s February already, one month down and eleven to go. After our first month we’ve been really encouraged by the positivity out there in the market place. We closed for two weeks off over Christmas and came back to a rush of work. We’ve taken in a large range of orders such as catalogues, brochures, envelopes, invoice books, letterheads and heaps of business cards. This workload is really out of character for us. In the past January has been slow until school resumes, but we aren’t complaining.

Mail Merging.

As reported last month we recently upgraded our colour copier. Since then the poor thing has been working overtime. It’s first big task in January was printing 12,000 mail merge letters. This type of job is ideal for the trusty Konica Minolta which prints every letter with a different name and address before the machine folds them individually to DL size. We also printed post cards through the copier on Enviroboard which is a very recycled brown card, something which was previously impossible. Again the client supplied the file with mail merge data so they all had different addresses and were all ready to post. This month we’ve even printed and folded our paper newsletters on the copier and the quality is great. If you have a print job that requires variable data, call us for a quote.

Printing Is A Science.

We did a presentation in December at the Noosa Business Group about printing processes and explained that although the end result of a print job can be viewed as a work of art, the act of printing is definitely a science. Unlike a rubber stamp where the image area is raised, our printing process uses a metal plate that has the non-image and image area on the same level. So how do we separate the two? When ink is applied to a printing plate it relies on the chemical reaction of oil and water repelling each other. The plate contains two sections, the image and non-image area. The image area, called emulsion, accepts the ink and is water repelling, while the non-image image is water receptive. When we run water rollers over the plate, it wets only the non-image area. Ink is oil based so when the ink rollers contact the plate it is repelled by the water on the non-image area, so we get the ink only where we need it. This process is called lithography and is the most common printing process worldwide.

So the next time you buy your magazine or newspaper, remember that a lot of research and science has gone into producing that product.

Until next month, if we can help with anything please don’t hesitate to contact us.

Regards

Brett and Brad

Happy New Year.

Well here we go again. Back for another year. We hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas and are full of enthusiasm for the new year. I’m still recovering from that extra piece of Christmas pudding I should have said no to. DVD’s were the popular gifts in our family this year and I’ve lost count of how many I’ve watched over the past fortnight, only interrupting the couch potato ritual to mow the lawn or collect the mail. I even refused to shave and by Thursday last week the family thought I resembled Grizzly Adams. It’s been really great having our “hibernation from reality” but we are now back with re-charged batteries ready for a big year. Hope you are too!

New Colour Copier.

Late last year we took delivery of our brand new copier. It’s amazing the new features and developments that have changed digital printing over the past three years. Almost everything is controlled by touch screen now and it’s so user friendly. It has a USB connection giving us the ability to print and save documents directly from the copier and we can now print on a 300 gsm card making it ideal for short run business cards or DL cards. It now has 4,000 sheet feeder capacity and a lowering delivery tray for those larger jobs and the ability to fold multiple pages together or hole punch. All in all, it’s a very welcome addition to our business and will make life a lot easier in 2013.

Web Specials.

We’ve just added some more deals in the specials section to celebrate the arrival of 2013. Just click the tab to your right and remember you must mention the website to get the deal. Looking forward with positivity to another great year.

Until next month, if we can help with anything please don’t hesitate to contact us.

Regards

Brett and Brad